Z is for Zoned Out......

The Last Day. (Albeit a little early.  Sue me.)


Bittersweet.  
Some days were such a struggle that I wondered what the hell I got us into... others, the words flowed like Everclear at a 70's high school prom.


Regardless, here we are.  As I've said before, I couldn't have done this without Roger's help.  He truly is the de- to my -mented.  And where would I be without you, my deviant readers?  Up a river without a blog, that's where.


If you're a first time visitor, I hope you'll take some time to go check out the other 25 days worth of never-before-heard-of terms.  If you're a returning stalker reader, glad you're back! And if you haven't yet clicked on that little JOIN THIS SITE button, take a minute to follow me. The beer's on me.
In the meantime, I leave you with a really BIG Z-Day.
If you're looking for me, I'll be taking a long nap.

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Zealottery
    [Zel-ot-er-ee]
Noun
1.  Spending way too much money playing the lottery, but never 
winning 'the big one'.
For the thirteenth Wednesday in a row, Doug came home with $1000 in 
Powerball tickets, proving once again that his zealottery would be their
financial ruin.  


Zestimation
    [Zes-tih-may-shun]
Noun
1.  A calculation of the amount of deodorant soap it would take to wash
a dirty morbidly obese person. 

Doug's employment at the hospital was cut short when he decided to take

his soap-saving idea for zestimation to the hospital administration.It was

not well-received.

Zodiacne
    [Zoh-dee-ack-nee]
Noun
1.  Constellation-shaped patterns of pimples  
Sheila felt awful that her niece had a bout of zodiacne right before prom, but 
she was sure that a little flesh-colored spackle would cover up the bright
red Capricornian goat on her nose.


Ziticule
    [Zit-ih-kuel]

Verb

1.  To make fun of someone for having a severe case of acne.

Sheila's spackle job on her niece's nose wasn't good enough to save her from

the incessant ziticule as she walked past the Future Farmers of America table.

Zenthouse Magazine

    [Zent-hows mag-ah-zeen]

Noun

1.  A monthly publication of nude Buddhist monks in various meditating

poses.  The most attractive monk each month is chosen for the zenterfold.

Sheila spent 15 minutes patching up the paper cuts on the mailman's

fingers after Doug snatched the new Zenthouse magazine out of his hands

without so much as an apology. 

Zippity-do-doctrine

    [Zip-pih-dee-doo-doc-trin]

Noun

1.  A body of principles taken from Disney movies and presented for

acceptance or belief.

Doug refused to give in when his father's new wife dared to disagree with him.  
After all, didn't everyone believe in the Zippity-do-doctrine of evil stepmothers? 

Zealust
    [Zel-ust]

Verb

1.  An enthusiastic sexual desire for someone. 
Sheila was initially flattered that Doug was interested in her, but when he rented the trapeze for the bedroom, she knew that his zealust was a bit more than she'd bargained for.


Zoovenir
    [Zou-ven-eer]
Noun
1.  An animal that is stolen from the zoo and kept as a pet.
 Sheila returned home from her business trip to find that Doug had found a 
way to keep busy, as was evidenced by the 8,000 pound zoovenir hippo that
was now lounging in the shallow end of their pool.

Zeroses

    [Zeer-ohs-is]

Noun

1.  A term used to describe a forgotten anniversary gift, usually 

resulting in several days or weeks of hell for the forgetful male.

Doug walked in the door empty-handed ,having forgotten that 

last year's zeroses had gotten him nothing but an E.R. visit and two weeks

on the couch.

Zorroker

    [Zohr-oh-kir]

Noun

1.  A fictional character who by day is a mild-mannered TV weatherman

and at night becomes a dashing masked outlaw who defends against

tyranny.

Sheila was so happy that Doug went out with his friends because she had plans 
don her pajamas,eat ice cream, and watch the newest episode of Zorroker at 7:00.

Zinger/Songwriter

    [Zing-er-song-ry-ter]

Noun

1.  A musician inspired to sing and write songs about delicious snack cakes.

Hoping that it would pull him headfirst from his funk, Doug downloaded the sweet  
new MP3, Pecan Rollers, from Zinger/Songwriter, Dolly Madison.

Zumbarista

    [Zoom-bah-rees-tah]

Noun

1.  An instructor of latin-dance inspired exercise who perks her customers up

by serving coffee. 

Sheila was relieved to find that Pepper, the zumbarista, was teaching her 5 am
class at the Y and calculated that in addition to getting in shape, she'd finally
be able to kick her $9.00 a day Starbucks habit.

Zagnutrition

    [Zag-nut-rih-shun]

Noun

1.  A diet consisting mostly of candy bars.

Doug gained 75 pounds and lost seven teeth before he realized that the

zagnutrition diet cookbook he bought on QVC might not be giving him the results

he expected.

Zooshi

    [Zoo-shee]

Noun

1.  Raw zoo animal parts wrapped in rice.

Disappointed that the restaurant was all out of two-toed sloth zooshi, Doug settled
for his second choice,duck-billed platypus.

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Zzzzzzzzzzzness, y'all,

Ach

Y is for Yikes! Did They Really Say That??

DISCLAIMER!  DISCLAIMER!

I'm not quite sure how to introduce this set of words except to say that no offense is intended.  To anyone.

Please read on only if you have a sense of humor and don't take life too seriously.

After all, it's day 25.   Y-Day.  

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Yucatang

      [Yu-ka-tang]

Noun

1.  A prostitute from south of the border

Sheila was more than happy to look at Doug's Mexico vacation pictures, but when she noticed the Yucatang hanging all over him in the bar pictures, she knew that the personalice he claimed to have weren't really 'personal'.

Yosemite Glam

      [Yo-sem-ih-tee-glam]

Noun

1.  The reproduction Native American clothing that tourists buy at National Parks; souvenir shops.

Until Doug agreed to take off the Yosemite glam chief's headdress he bought, Sheila refused to walk within 10 paces of him on the tour.

Yellinguist

      [Yel-ling-wist]

Noun

1.  A person who naturally and normally speaks far too loudly.

Sheila learned to ignore the irritated stink-eye Doug got from regular parishioners when his yellinguist tendencies surfaced during Sunday mass.

Yeaster Bunny

      [Ye-ster-bun-nee]

Noun

1.  A female rabbit with an itchy vaginal infection.

Although she supported Doug's desire to read to her 4-year-old niece at bedtime, Sheila knew she had to draw the line at the Yeaster Bunny series he brought with him tonight.

Yiddishwasher

      [Yih-dish-wash-er]

Noun

1.  The person who bathes old Jewish people in retirement homes.

Having been unemployed for months now, news of an open position for a yiddishwasher at the Home for Retired Meshuugenah gave Doug hope that he may have finally found his dream job.

Yaksaw

      [Yak-saw]

Noun

1.  A saw used for butchering oxen.

Doug wondered why the saw he was using wouldn't cut through the deer he was butchering, and then he realized that he'd been using a yaksaw by mistake.

Yolandromat

      [Yo-lan-droh-mat]

Noun

1.  A place on the wrong side of the tracks where clothing can be washed for a handful of quarters.

If Doug didn't fix their washer and dryer soon, Sheila was going to have to hire an armed bodyguard to go with her to the Yolandromat every Friday night.

Y'alliteration

      [Yawl-it-er-a-shun]

Noun

1.  The effect on a person's accent after moving to the South.

They had only been vacationing in Mississippi for two weeks when Doug started using the word fixin' in every other sentence.  It was then that Shelia realized that the y'alliteration had begun in ernest.

Youthinasia

      [You-thin-asia]

Noun

1.  A child from the Far East.

Sheila's biological clock was definitely ticking and she longed to be pregnant, but Doug was more resourceful and believed in recycling, so adopting a youthinasia seemed the logical thing to do.

--------------------------------------------

Yuckilessness, y'all,

Ach

X is for Xactly When is this Challenge Over?

Don't get me wrong.  The A-Z Challenge has been an amazing test of my (and Roger's) patience, humor, and resolve.  And, It's been a great opportunity to meet many, many new and wonderful people.   But truth be told, I'm exhausted!  Those of you who have also gone on this ride know what I mean.


With two more days to go, I'm not about to say 'uncle'.  Therefore, in honor of X-Day, I'm throwing these suckers up against the wall.  Let's see what sticks....

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Xanexcellent

      [Zan-ex-sel-ent]

Noun

1.  The feeling after taking a Xanax (or any other anti-anxiety medication).
Sheila waited to tell Doug about wrecking his car until he took his medication because his response would be far more Xanexcellent afterward than before.

Xsavior

      [X-sav-yer]

Noun

1.    Jesus, to a recently declared atheist.
Doug had recently gone from agnostic to completely giving up on religion, so when Sheila's uncle asked him what denomination he was, he could say nothing but that he only had an Xsavior, not a current one.

Xanadues

      [Zan-a-duez]

Noun

1.    The money you earn and save in order to retire in the place of your dreams.
Although she hated the 80 hour work weeks, Sheila knew that she wouldn't be able to count on Doug to pay his Xanadues for their early retirement.

XSox

      [X-socks]

Noun

1.   The official footwear of avid gamers.
Sheila had gotten used to the nastiness of Doug's laundry, but even the dog was taken aback by the stench of the lucky XSox he'd worn at the Gaming Convention all week.

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Xenophobianess, y'all,

Ach