Z is for Zoned Out......

The Last Day. (Albeit a little early.  Sue me.)


Bittersweet.  
Some days were such a struggle that I wondered what the hell I got us into... others, the words flowed like Everclear at a 70's high school prom.


Regardless, here we are.  As I've said before, I couldn't have done this without Roger's help.  He truly is the de- to my -mented.  And where would I be without you, my deviant readers?  Up a river without a blog, that's where.


If you're a first time visitor, I hope you'll take some time to go check out the other 25 days worth of never-before-heard-of terms.  If you're a returning stalker reader, glad you're back! And if you haven't yet clicked on that little JOIN THIS SITE button, take a minute to follow me. The beer's on me.
In the meantime, I leave you with a really BIG Z-Day.
If you're looking for me, I'll be taking a long nap.

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Zealottery
    [Zel-ot-er-ee]
Noun
1.  Spending way too much money playing the lottery, but never 
winning 'the big one'.
For the thirteenth Wednesday in a row, Doug came home with $1000 in 
Powerball tickets, proving once again that his zealottery would be their
financial ruin.  


Zestimation
    [Zes-tih-may-shun]
Noun
1.  A calculation of the amount of deodorant soap it would take to wash
a dirty morbidly obese person. 

Doug's employment at the hospital was cut short when he decided to take

his soap-saving idea for zestimation to the hospital administration.It was

not well-received.

Zodiacne
    [Zoh-dee-ack-nee]
Noun
1.  Constellation-shaped patterns of pimples  
Sheila felt awful that her niece had a bout of zodiacne right before prom, but 
she was sure that a little flesh-colored spackle would cover up the bright
red Capricornian goat on her nose.


Ziticule
    [Zit-ih-kuel]

Verb

1.  To make fun of someone for having a severe case of acne.

Sheila's spackle job on her niece's nose wasn't good enough to save her from

the incessant ziticule as she walked past the Future Farmers of America table.

Zenthouse Magazine

    [Zent-hows mag-ah-zeen]

Noun

1.  A monthly publication of nude Buddhist monks in various meditating

poses.  The most attractive monk each month is chosen for the zenterfold.

Sheila spent 15 minutes patching up the paper cuts on the mailman's

fingers after Doug snatched the new Zenthouse magazine out of his hands

without so much as an apology. 

Zippity-do-doctrine

    [Zip-pih-dee-doo-doc-trin]

Noun

1.  A body of principles taken from Disney movies and presented for

acceptance or belief.

Doug refused to give in when his father's new wife dared to disagree with him.  
After all, didn't everyone believe in the Zippity-do-doctrine of evil stepmothers? 

Zealust
    [Zel-ust]

Verb

1.  An enthusiastic sexual desire for someone. 
Sheila was initially flattered that Doug was interested in her, but when he rented the trapeze for the bedroom, she knew that his zealust was a bit more than she'd bargained for.


Zoovenir
    [Zou-ven-eer]
Noun
1.  An animal that is stolen from the zoo and kept as a pet.
 Sheila returned home from her business trip to find that Doug had found a 
way to keep busy, as was evidenced by the 8,000 pound zoovenir hippo that
was now lounging in the shallow end of their pool.

Zeroses

    [Zeer-ohs-is]

Noun

1.  A term used to describe a forgotten anniversary gift, usually 

resulting in several days or weeks of hell for the forgetful male.

Doug walked in the door empty-handed ,having forgotten that 

last year's zeroses had gotten him nothing but an E.R. visit and two weeks

on the couch.

Zorroker

    [Zohr-oh-kir]

Noun

1.  A fictional character who by day is a mild-mannered TV weatherman

and at night becomes a dashing masked outlaw who defends against

tyranny.

Sheila was so happy that Doug went out with his friends because she had plans 
don her pajamas,eat ice cream, and watch the newest episode of Zorroker at 7:00.

Zinger/Songwriter

    [Zing-er-song-ry-ter]

Noun

1.  A musician inspired to sing and write songs about delicious snack cakes.

Hoping that it would pull him headfirst from his funk, Doug downloaded the sweet  
new MP3, Pecan Rollers, from Zinger/Songwriter, Dolly Madison.

Zumbarista

    [Zoom-bah-rees-tah]

Noun

1.  An instructor of latin-dance inspired exercise who perks her customers up

by serving coffee. 

Sheila was relieved to find that Pepper, the zumbarista, was teaching her 5 am
class at the Y and calculated that in addition to getting in shape, she'd finally
be able to kick her $9.00 a day Starbucks habit.

Zagnutrition

    [Zag-nut-rih-shun]

Noun

1.  A diet consisting mostly of candy bars.

Doug gained 75 pounds and lost seven teeth before he realized that the

zagnutrition diet cookbook he bought on QVC might not be giving him the results

he expected.

Zooshi

    [Zoo-shee]

Noun

1.  Raw zoo animal parts wrapped in rice.

Disappointed that the restaurant was all out of two-toed sloth zooshi, Doug settled
for his second choice,duck-billed platypus.

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Zzzzzzzzzzzness, y'all,

Ach