Monday, April 09, 2012

H is for Hypotheticollision, Happystance, Hellitosis, Hangovercast, and Histrucktomy



Hidey Ho, reader people!   Welcome to H-Day on the Actionary. 
It's the day after Easter.  We survived it and both Roger and I wish you and yours mondo psychedelic Easturds. 


But before you do that, join us if you will, on our excursion through page 8 of the Actionary....


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Hypotheticollision
 [Hy-po-theh-tih-co-li-shun] 
noun
1.  The potential accident for which your mother warned you to wear clean
 underwear.
Although he wasn't severely injured in the crash, it wasn't until he met the hot
nurse in the ER that Doug understood the wisdom of planning for an unexpected hypotheticollision.

Happystance
  [Hap-pee-stanz] 
Noun
1. An overly positive position on a subject. 
Sheila couldn't understand why Doug looked at the high gas prices as a good thing, but she knew that taking a happystance on an issue like that was NOT normal.

Hellitosis 
  [Hel-eh-to-sis] 
Noun
1.  When there's no significant difference between the smell of a person's breath and his/her asshole.
Doug brushed his teeth often, but he still had a case of hellitosis so bad it
would knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.

Hangovercast 
  [Hang-ov-r-cast] 
Noun
1.  The foggy feeling that remains even after the worst of a hangover is gone.
Despite the most severe hangovercast he could ever remember, Doug got
himself dressed and went to the bachelor party.

Histrucktomy
  [Hiz-truk-toe-me] 
Noun
1.  When a man is forced to get rid of his truck after having kids because it's no longer practical.
Did you see Doug drive by with that minivan full of kids?  He looked depressed. He hasn't been the same since the histrucktomy.
------------------------------------
There you go, folks.  Use them often and use them wisely.  Or not. 
Completely up to you. 
Doesn't affect me at all.  
Just sayin'.

You'll be back tomorrow for the I's, right?  Feel free to bring a date. (Not you, Roger.  You're taken.)

Huzzahness, y'all,
Ach

Posted by at 6:46 AM
Labels: ,
How do you feel? 

22 comments:

  1. You have skillz.

    Mad skillz.

    :-)

    Pearl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. Can't take all the credit. Roger's the vocabman for the most part.

      But high praise coming from you. High praise indeed!
      Thank you, Pearl!

      Delete

  2. I live with hypotheticollision every day. No joke. I have to make sure my underwear complements my wardrobe. o_O

    -Barb the French Bean

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. Fancy schmancy, Barb. I'm lucky I usually get out of the house with both shoes let alone matching my underoos to the outfit.
      I am not worthy.

      Delete

  3. I shall work at least two of these into casual conversation today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. Oh, please do, Mel! And let me know how that works out for ya!

      Delete

  4. i love what you are doing with the A-Z Challenge. I sent people over from my blog to come check you out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. Hey thanks a million, Brett! Hope they'll stop and stay awhile!

      Appreciate the shout.

      Delete

  5. Histrucktomy! Bahaha! (I never have anything intelligent to add to any of your hilarious posts. Just wanted to show my appreciation.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. Thanks! Always glad when you stop by.
      That's one of my favs. And purely Roger.

      Delete

  6. This post was a Helluva a lot of fun! You are my new Heroine! (or is that Heroin?????)

    Hallelujah, I will be back to read more...........

    best,
    MOV

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. Glad you enjoyed it, MOV!
      Working on the I's even as I type. See you tomorrow!

      Delete

  7. Wearing clean underwear in preparation for a hypotheticollision is something we should all do. I followed this horrible link on reddit.com. Did you know people just pop like a balloon if they are struck by a vehicle traveling at a high speed? DON'T Google it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. Nellie, Now you've piqued my interest. I MUST Google it. Do you have the full link? All that's listed here is reddit.com.

      Delete

  8. Wonderful! New follower here. I’m enjoying reading my fellow “A to Z”ers. I look forward to visiting again.

    Sylvia
    http://www.writinginwonderland.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. Thanks for stopping by (and following), Sylvia!

      Delete

  9. I used Easturd this weekend. It wasnt quite as easy to work in to a conversation as I thought but it was worth it.

    ReplyDelete

  10. a histrucktomy seems like the worst thing in the world...

    i would be lost without my truck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. I think Roger would definitely agree. Glad we're past that point.

      Delete

  11. OMG I knew there was a term stronger than halitosis to describe ass breath. This rules :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. Gracias, CMS!

      It just doesn't get much worse than hellitosis.

      I hope.

      Delete

Lay it on me, people.

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