And I'm Not Talkin About the Chart....

Some days, it's only the possibility that there might be pie that gets me out of bed.

Please, Day....Don't disappoint me tomorrow.

Crustiness,
Ach

Holla!

Is anyone still with me?

Yeah. Sorry about the unexpected absence. Life got busy.

I didn't forget you all.
Hope you didn't forget me.

Ach

You Asked For It. Wait....You Didn't ??

I know it's been awhile and my brain's been on hiatus, but today, I finally have some additions to the much-maligned, critically acclaimed, sadly misunderstood, long forgotten Actionary!
For those of you knew to AdLJ, the Actionary came into being this past April during the Blogosphere-wide A-Z Challenge.  It's a compendium of words that Roger and I have made up while in drunken stupors coined and which you may or may not see used from time to time here on my blog.
And awaaaaaaaay we go!
_______________________________________________

Solitardy

     [Sol-ih-tar-dee] 

Adjective

1. A late (and noisy) arrival to a funeral or wedding.

Sheila wanted to crawl into the casket with the deceased when Doug tripped over the organist as he made his drunken,solitardy entrance into the church at his great-uncle's funeral.

Tap-dat-assertiveness

     [Tap-dat-ass-sert-ev-nes] 

Noun

1. The bold, confident pick-up line delivery used with the express purpose of getting someone in the sack.

Ironically, it was only after going home alone from the strip club that Doug realized that his tap-dat-assertiveness needed a teensy bit more work.

eMission

     [Ee-mis-shun] 

Noun

1. The desire to look something up on the internet immediately in order to solve a disagreement.

Sheila didn't know whether to feel sorry for Doug or slap him silly when he made it his eMission to prove to her that zombie octopi can indeed hit a 98 mph fastball.

Idiodick

     [Id-ee-odd-ick] 

Adjective

1. The act of showing stupidity, disrespect and general assholeishness.

Was it a surprise to anyone that Sheila left Doug lying in his own urine on the pool table after he intentionally tripped the waitress and his idiodick flaming anal banana trick went awry?

________________________________________________________

Ta-taness, y'all.
Ach

It's Time for a BBQ, People!

Almost all of my plants outside have been decimated...nay..eradicated by our 

wild, batshit poultry.

This WAS a 3-foot wide hosta until yesterday.

Guess who's coming to dinner?? 

Fried, baked or broiledness, y'all,

Ach

Lay One On Me!!!

Breaking news from the R&J Chicken Ranch....

We got our first egg!!!!

Isn't she/he beautiful??

 Now, contrary to the human world where a woman who gives birth is usually sure of who has provided the egg, but doesn't necessarily know who the father is, in a hen house, the question is, "who is the 'mother'?"   Shared digs and nest boxes make IDing the egg dropper a guessing game.

So we use the process of elimination....

Since we know that these birds lay blue-green eggs, they're off the list.

So the choice is between this little lady....

And Big Mama....

The experts we've consulted believe she (or her twin sis) is the mom. 

Not that it really matters.  The egg is safely ensconced in the fridge, awaiting the day we have enough to make a decent omelet....a picture of which I will no doubt bore you with share with you all. 

Cause I'm a giver like that.

Poultriness, y'all,

Ach

Freaky Friday? Nope. Freaky Saturday.

Where the hell have you people been????  It's been WEEKS!!!   Sheesh.

For those who give a shit, sorry about the unexplained absence.  In all honesty, I just haven't felt bloggy.  Oh, and I lost my funny.  That, too.

But I'm back.  Lots has been happening, so I'm going to try to get y'all caught up via pictures on the next coupla posts.

Today, though, I want to share a story that happened just this past Saturday.

Kid 2 just turned 18 a couple of weeks ago, but for the past year or so she's been wanting to go skydiving.  Go figure.  She didn't get her common sense (or lack thereof) from me.  Anyway, she got the opportunity to go last Saturday.  She was originally scheduled to jump at 11:00 am, but because she ended up having to work, got it switched to the 10:00 am load. 

Kid 2, pre-jump with the plane behind her
and the pilot on the wing.
 The smile is a little forced, don't you think?
 Still, she was holding up well.

Getting on the plane.  Putting your child's fate
in some strangers' hands never becomes comfortable,
no matter how old they get.

I was so proud of her (and scared to death, of course).
She's gutsier than I'll ever be.

The actual jump.  Good Lord....Still gives me chills.

Freeeeeeeeee, Free falling......

Finally back on terra firma....And mom can breathe again.

Crazy fool says she wants to jump again.

So the jump ended successfully with Kid 2 proclaiming it was "Awesome" "Unexplainable" and "The most amazing thing she's ever done"....We packed up and started the hour and a half drive home.

Later that day, Roger and I were out on the bike when I got a text from my friend asking if I'd heard about the plane crash.  A Google search later and I found this.  

My heart literally stopped.  She was supposed to have been on that jump.  Now, I'm not a religious person, but I have to believe that someone...something...somewhere was looking out for her. 

Still massively freaked out by the whole thing, though of course not feeling even close to what the pilot's family must be feeling.  Our hearts go out to them.

Blessedness, y'all,
Ach

Amsterdammit!

More pictures, cause I'm still too jet lagged and lazy to write anything....

Not sure of the name of this particular canal (they all look alike to me)
but beautiful just the same.

Amsterdam used to have a problem with drunken/high men peeing on the buildings,
so they installed outdoor urinals on street corners.  No need to speak Dutch.  I think the
sign is universally understood...

Said urinal. Funny how the sun came out just as I was taking this.
Guess God likes directive pissing, too.

Iconic row houses.  At the top of each one is a pulley system.  The
stairways in these places are so narrow, they use the pulleys to lift furniture into
the upper floors.  Doubt there are many grand pianos around here.

Typical A'dam cafes with apartments above.

It's doesn't get any more Dutchy than this.

  

The Anne Frank Huis.   

Anne herself.

Rain, sleet, ice....nothing stops these people from riding their bikes.  

The iconic Grasshopper coffee house.  Didn't go in, but it's hard to ignore the glow at night...

The flower market.  Entry from the street or via boat on the canal.  You should
see and smell this place in the spring!  

Just a floral drop in the bucket.

Amsterdam's narrowest house.  Good thing the Dutch are a tall, thin lot.

Rembrandt's house.   He wasn't home.

OK.  That's all.  Enough of The Netherlands.  Going to concentrate on getting my sea legs back and return to regularly scheduled blogging about American crap.

Tootleness, y'all,
Ach

I Amsterdam

Contrary to popular belief, I have NOT fallen into a sinkhole and disappeared into another dimension.  Nor have I purposely been ignoring you fine people.  

Nope.  I've actually been out of town the country for work.   Amsterdam, The Netherlands, to be more specific.

Wasn't where I wanted to be, but duty called.  I sure did miss my Roger...

The view from the hotel lobby on Kattengat 1.

Evidence as to why there are very few obese people in The Netherlands.

Some of the houseboats in a canal near Centraal Station.

The weather pretty much sucked, being about 65 and rainy the entire time I was there, but having suffered through 100+ temps with no precip at all for the past month at home, it was darn near refreshing!

Anyhow, it was a strictly business trip for me, but I did get a chance to slip off and pick up a few souvenirs...

Doesn't he look goooooood ???  Yup.  That's Rembrandt sporting a Harley tat.
Coolest thing I've ever seen.

Even though I bought one strictly for novelty and decorative purposes, I still
sweated bullets all the way through customs...

WTF?  
There it is...sitting RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKIN MANTEL??????

Just wanted to let you all know that I'm still here....Hope y'all are still with me.

More to come once the jet lag abates...

Dutchiness, y'all,

Ach

Summer Flu By

AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!

There are soooo many sick people here at work!   Is it July or December?
Please, people!  Couldja breathe elsewhere?

Excuse me while I go Purell the hell outta myself...

Germiness, y'all,
Ach

Old MacJohnson Had a Farm...E I E I O

I've been busy.  Sorry.
You see, we now have chickens. Yup. Real.  Live.  Chickens.  Living in the backyard in a coop. And a pretty swanky coop, at that. 

Roger's always wanted to have chickens.  And being the animal lover that I am, I think having chickens will be fun....for awhile at least.  They're certainly not soft and cuddly like a rabbit, but they endeared themselves to me the moment they entered the coop and started pecking away at the DADDY LONG LEGS!!!!   Ladies after my own heart, I tell ya.

We have six of those little feathered omelet factories.  So far, they've done nothing but eat and shit. But soon we'll be knee deep in teal and brown eggs (I hope).  If not, the next pics you see will be of them roasted with new potatoes on the side.

Meet the girls!

This is Barbie Q.  Her sister Fricassee is just out of camera range.
These girls will lay blue-green eggs. How cool is that?? 

Meet Cacciatore and 8-Piece. They literally rule the roost.
Brown eggs from these zebra-skinned bullies.

The white one is Parmesan.  That's 8-piece on the left and if you look really hard, you'll see Nugget to the right.
They're the youngsters of the flock and will lay dark brown eggs soon.

No roosters....we definitely don't want chicks right now. These gals are strictly for egg production for the time being.  Plus, I'm not really keen on hearing any crowing at sun-up, either.

Neither of us have any experience with chickens, so we're learning as we go.  Anybody got any advice?  Any of you have any chicken hints?  If you know anything about raising chickens, I'd love it if you'd share.

Stay tuned.  There ain't no way these antics won't make good blog fodder.
In the meantime, I'm outta here.  Y'all have a great 4th of July, you hear?

Fowlness, y'all,
Ach